Tuesday, December 14, 2010

My Father

Not really like to talk about him as still feel the sadness over his death recently.
Another not so good reason for not writing for so long, the worse as not getting the mood to do it yet.
Guess it's right time to do it and I am picking up again to continue what I like and having found a new direction of what to do after a few weeks resting.

However, this need to be done, to be part of my or our memory towards our parents at least.
Used to travel back during holidays to visit both and guessed that's the least we can do as children, to be with them.  That was the months before July this year....thinking of him and the usual days of what he did.
He loved to go Genting and I had managed to bring him a few times.  I knew he was quite happy but not mum as his hobby was once a disaster during their time.  He also loved seafood especially prawns.  Still remember him sitting on one the favorite sofa with some cushion below for comfort and can't really figure out his thinking. He also loved all the spicy stuff such as the black noodles (KL Hockien mee)  and curry of course or spicy nasi lemak.  Other type of food are such as 'pan mee' and 'loh mee'.  Besides, he loved watching 'bao kong' the black face but justice judge and of course 4D and toto or anything betting as long as he had some $.
The memory of having dinner with them at a shop under a tree, that's how we called it till now. It's not easy at all to not thinking about it some how and under control.  That was when everything is all right.  They went in and out of the hospital just like taking their turns quite often then.  They still wish they could be visiting some place, someone and doing something when they were young once together, how romantic!
It is always not easy to start a conversation with him as he tend to keep to himself.  And you need to be careful with the words so as not to create anger in him over unnecessary issues. 
I found learning so much around them not to mention the type of disease, medicine, palliative care and support, oxygen tank sources, nurses at home, doctors, different opinion on type of food to take for recovery and lots more in just barely two months plus even though we are learning all the time before the worst started off.
To see someone dear going off is not an easy task as we are so closed to them, hoping to help and yet they left us after all the suffering.  We need to see him suffering, either more or less and hardly able to do anything except to pray for miracles.  We saw what he still wish he could do and was so hopeful but we know the truth.  He was blur on his condition and frustrated as can't do much about it.  He was angry with the medicine that are hard to swallow for so many times a day and the tasteless food that was hoping to help him which did not.  We are lost at what to do best and how to do it.  Lots of plan but don't really know which was the best.
Seeing him provokes all that and knowing this will be one of the ways some of us will need to go through.
I don't really know how this experience have change the way I look at myself and my life but I know what I want to do when I can do so.  I went through once the painful experience with my grandmother but the feeling was so different.
They say, live each day like it's your last which is true of course. You need to get everything ready such as the will, your precious gems to be divided and etc especially when you have children or even if you don't have.  What about other dreams that you wanted to do it?  That triggers one's thinking in appreciating the breath that still functioning, our movements and freedom now before everything shutting off slowly. 
Some how, some day, everyone will need to go through the pain of losing the dear ones.  I just did and life still need to go on and hope for the best for all the human beings out there.  It is indeed one of the challenges we need to face whether we like it or not.  Do you agree with me? 
Do respect and love your love ones especially your parents before it is too late to do so!